Toronto, Canada – Since our sponsors have decided to update their logo to attract a younger, more internet savvy generation of Ipod minimalist Gen-E soda consumers we thought we would add a top ten list as why they had to change their logo.
10. What new logo?
9. Dave Letterman was running out of ideas for his top ten list
8. Logo shmogo Pogo…mmmm….Pogos….with ketchup…mmmm..
7. Some marketing dude in India did the needful and foo-barred it. They printed so many labels in India that they just kept it to save money.
6. Pepsi is worried that any dark, black substances that causes heart burn, obesity, has links to cancer and rots teeth might be banned from public spaces like the another industry and want to get ahead of the curve by making a logo appear…”Happy.”
5. Vegas odds had a new logo for Pepsi at 10,ooo million to 1 and someone at Pepsi just cashed in!
4. Why don’t they just go back to bashing coke with their stupid taste tests…everyone knows Coke is better. (We can’t legally print this if Pepsi is our sponsor. Joe, pick another one for number 4 and removed this one)
3. To sell more soda dumbass! It’s a marketing trick, see they didn't make anything new, they just changed the look but it’s the same ole suds. They succeeded because you obviously now know about it.
2. Obama's campaign logo was too similar and the White House paid them to change it.
1. Hey Bravo to the Sales Team at the Arnell Group for pulling off that scam! Selling a client their old logo for $1 million is ingenius. I WANT that guys as my next Sales VP!
Controversy once again rears it's ugly head in the MNPL. Criminal charges and fines will soon be laid in connection to several players fraudulently consuming alcoholic beverages during the Virgin Summer Poker Invitational (VSP). "The investigation has taken almost a month but we are confident the perpetrators will be punished to the full extent of the MNPL rules and regulations," commented interim commissioner Tal "The Juice" Mastrovich who has assumed the responsibilities as there are links that clearly implicate Commissioner Kline.
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Ex-commissioner Kline declined comment as he was shocked to learn he had been fired and the MNPL was seeking a replacement. "WTF? &*$%....&$%...&$%@!!!" was the comment he provided. You can't put a positive spin on this articulation. “You can’t fine me! I’m the commissioner. This is positively outrageous. I didn’t open the Crown…Stewie did…” After that outburst Kline’s lawyer clotheslined him and dragged his unconscious body into an airport limousine. We noticed that Kline was wearing a lime green thong as his pants were accidentally pulled down during the episode with his lawyer. (Clothesline. When someone charges at you, arm straight out to their side, and knocks you straight across the head. Can easily knock someone unconsciouss)
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Stewie “King Bullshit” MacDoogan has recently signed on with Disney to do an adaptation of the Wizard of Oz in which he will play the Master Corporal Flying Monkey - and get this, it all takes place underwater. "It's an experiment between theatre, water aerobics and just plain stupid fun." said MacDoogan who was recently seen spending thousands of his winnings at a casino in Niagara Falls with a giant Pepsi clock strapped around his neck. "You win some and you lose some but winning the Pepsi watch and dominating the Virgin Classic was truly special. Crushing Smith's streak was very special to me and from what I've heard on the street - he's considering retirement. I felt like Tyson when he knocked out Holmes. The young bull versus the old bull scenario you know. When your time comes, your time comes." When asked about the white mink fur coat and driving a low-rider painted with inlaid gold flakes, MacDoogan simply replied, "Git to fuck ye punters! I'm no playing that game, cum er an I'll gie ye a Glasgee kiss!" We have no idea what that means but we like the Russell Peters accent much better. We located the famous "Thuty Fo Fifty" comment on a live concert. We know it was Russell MacDoogan...we know.
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Clint "Pimp My Ride" Oris was recently offered sponsorships by several companies to ride high speed professional go-karts for them. He’s been a hobbyist for several years now but never in his wildest dreams did he think his career would take off in racing. He hasn’t told the league officials that he’s not twelve so until they figure out his actual age, he’s intending to take his game to the next level. “Where can I get some hydraulics for my g-kart. Now that would be some serious shizzle on my nizzle. Hey, did I tell you that I used Rusty Trombone move on my neighbors wife?” This interview was supposed to be off the record. Starting in 2010, nothing will be off the record. We may or may not be seeing Mr. Oris for some time as after his neighbor reads this, he’ll be in hiding.
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Tal “The Juice” Mastrovich has recently pushed for “Scoop Ball” to be added to the 2016 Olympic games. He’s heading a controversial committee bent on taking the simple game of scooping a plastic wiffle ball and throwing it to an opponent who has to catch it. “The rules are so damn simple. Once you get to Jackass…you know, each time you drop the ball you get a letter until you finish the whole word…then you lose. I'm a feaking Jedi at this game and could take down a team of rodeo clowns at the annual running of the bulls with my skills. I was born to play this facking game. I wish I had found it sooner. I’m going to attempt a Guinness World record…they are going to drop a hundred balls from the CN Tower, one after another and I’m going to run all over the city and catch them all… I am Forrest Gump good.”
10. What new logo?
9. Dave Letterman was running out of ideas for his top ten list
8. Logo shmogo Pogo…mmmm….Pogos….with ketchup…mmmm..
7. Some marketing dude in India did the needful and foo-barred it. They printed so many labels in India that they just kept it to save money.
6. Pepsi is worried that any dark, black substances that causes heart burn, obesity, has links to cancer and rots teeth might be banned from public spaces like the another industry and want to get ahead of the curve by making a logo appear…”Happy.”
5. Vegas odds had a new logo for Pepsi at 10,ooo million to 1 and someone at Pepsi just cashed in!
4. Why don’t they just go back to bashing coke with their stupid taste tests…everyone knows Coke is better. (We can’t legally print this if Pepsi is our sponsor. Joe, pick another one for number 4 and removed this one)
3. To sell more soda dumbass! It’s a marketing trick, see they didn't make anything new, they just changed the look but it’s the same ole suds. They succeeded because you obviously now know about it.
2. Obama's campaign logo was too similar and the White House paid them to change it.
1. Hey Bravo to the Sales Team at the Arnell Group for pulling off that scam! Selling a client their old logo for $1 million is ingenius. I WANT that guys as my next Sales VP!
Controversy once again rears it's ugly head in the MNPL. Criminal charges and fines will soon be laid in connection to several players fraudulently consuming alcoholic beverages during the Virgin Summer Poker Invitational (VSP). "The investigation has taken almost a month but we are confident the perpetrators will be punished to the full extent of the MNPL rules and regulations," commented interim commissioner Tal "The Juice" Mastrovich who has assumed the responsibilities as there are links that clearly implicate Commissioner Kline.
.
Ex-commissioner Kline declined comment as he was shocked to learn he had been fired and the MNPL was seeking a replacement. "WTF? &*$%....&$%...&$%@!!!" was the comment he provided. You can't put a positive spin on this articulation. “You can’t fine me! I’m the commissioner. This is positively outrageous. I didn’t open the Crown…Stewie did…” After that outburst Kline’s lawyer clotheslined him and dragged his unconscious body into an airport limousine. We noticed that Kline was wearing a lime green thong as his pants were accidentally pulled down during the episode with his lawyer. (Clothesline. When someone charges at you, arm straight out to their side, and knocks you straight across the head. Can easily knock someone unconsciouss)
.
Stewie “King Bullshit” MacDoogan has recently signed on with Disney to do an adaptation of the Wizard of Oz in which he will play the Master Corporal Flying Monkey - and get this, it all takes place underwater. "It's an experiment between theatre, water aerobics and just plain stupid fun." said MacDoogan who was recently seen spending thousands of his winnings at a casino in Niagara Falls with a giant Pepsi clock strapped around his neck. "You win some and you lose some but winning the Pepsi watch and dominating the Virgin Classic was truly special. Crushing Smith's streak was very special to me and from what I've heard on the street - he's considering retirement. I felt like Tyson when he knocked out Holmes. The young bull versus the old bull scenario you know. When your time comes, your time comes." When asked about the white mink fur coat and driving a low-rider painted with inlaid gold flakes, MacDoogan simply replied, "Git to fuck ye punters! I'm no playing that game, cum er an I'll gie ye a Glasgee kiss!" We have no idea what that means but we like the Russell Peters accent much better. We located the famous "Thuty Fo Fifty" comment on a live concert. We know it was Russell MacDoogan...we know.
.
Clint "Pimp My Ride" Oris was recently offered sponsorships by several companies to ride high speed professional go-karts for them. He’s been a hobbyist for several years now but never in his wildest dreams did he think his career would take off in racing. He hasn’t told the league officials that he’s not twelve so until they figure out his actual age, he’s intending to take his game to the next level. “Where can I get some hydraulics for my g-kart. Now that would be some serious shizzle on my nizzle. Hey, did I tell you that I used Rusty Trombone move on my neighbors wife?” This interview was supposed to be off the record. Starting in 2010, nothing will be off the record. We may or may not be seeing Mr. Oris for some time as after his neighbor reads this, he’ll be in hiding.
.
Tal “The Juice” Mastrovich has recently pushed for “Scoop Ball” to be added to the 2016 Olympic games. He’s heading a controversial committee bent on taking the simple game of scooping a plastic wiffle ball and throwing it to an opponent who has to catch it. “The rules are so damn simple. Once you get to Jackass…you know, each time you drop the ball you get a letter until you finish the whole word…then you lose. I'm a feaking Jedi at this game and could take down a team of rodeo clowns at the annual running of the bulls with my skills. I was born to play this facking game. I wish I had found it sooner. I’m going to attempt a Guinness World record…they are going to drop a hundred balls from the CN Tower, one after another and I’m going to run all over the city and catch them all… I am Forrest Gump good.”
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We will sooner see Golf being added to the Olympics in 2012 than we will see “Scoop Ball.” What? Golf is being added? Golf isn’t a sport it’s an excuse to get hammered and flirt with teenage girls who bring you beer in little portable bars. Ok, new metaphor. We’ll sooner see a game called shoot the suicide bomber running through a make shift Afghani village scene than see “Scoop Ball” added. What? They’ve added…no, you are kidding right!
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Boris “Baby Face” Gaudio was recently in court due to charges of public mischief, sexual assault and fraud. His defense lawyer, Seymour Butts, had the case thrown out of court as there was no crime committed. "Mr. Gaudio simply responded to a Craigslist ad, pretended to be a victim of a car accident with the mental capacity of a five year old boy and was diapered, bottled and cuddled as if a child. He paid a handsome fee of $600 US per week to a woman who claims Boris lied to her and "violated" her trust for the agreement. Had she known he wasn't "retarded" she would never have bottle fed, cuddled, and cleaned his taint. Gaudio has also written a new book called “How to Enlarge Your Penis – Guaranteed to Work or Your $ back!”.
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We decided to purchase the book, strictly for research purposes. It’s an E-Book that costs $45. We received an email saying, “Please shave all the hair from your balls. There you go, you have two more inches! It works, I can prove it.” Then there is an advertisement for his next book, “The Cure for Herpes and a Permanent Solution to Flatulence.” We thought it best to stop there.
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We decided to purchase the book, strictly for research purposes. It’s an E-Book that costs $45. We received an email saying, “Please shave all the hair from your balls. There you go, you have two more inches! It works, I can prove it.” Then there is an advertisement for his next book, “The Cure for Herpes and a Permanent Solution to Flatulence.” We thought it best to stop there.
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Ronny “River Miser” Gold had this to say, "Since I accidentally wandered into my in-laws bedroom at 2 am and peed in their closet, things have been a little tense. The first week was bliss, I had dinner made for me every night and I didn't even have to take my plate to the sink. Now my mother in-law has decided to put locks on all the bedroom doors and she sent the cat to a new home until we move into our new house. I miss my Monday nights...can't wait till the new season begins. Call me…someone…lets’ do drinks or brunch or whatever…just get me outta there!”
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Eon "Cannonball" Bosmeller has decided to finally pursue his dream of becoming a Sumo wrestler. After months of debate with his plastic surgeon, they have decided to go ahead with a controversial procedure that would place a pound of silicon in his forehead thereby adding the final three inches he needs to qualify for professional Sumo wrestling in Japan. Several players have undergone the procedure and so far, only Ding Duk Shlong has had an issue. He was playing soccer in the backyard and went to head the ball when his forehead burst like a water balloon. His child fainted and his Doberman attacked thinking there was an intruder in the backyard. Shlong suffered severe damage to his groin and hamstring area and has not returned to Sumo wrestling. This, however, has not curtailed Bosmeller's need for Sumo.
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Eon "Cannonball" Bosmeller has decided to finally pursue his dream of becoming a Sumo wrestler. After months of debate with his plastic surgeon, they have decided to go ahead with a controversial procedure that would place a pound of silicon in his forehead thereby adding the final three inches he needs to qualify for professional Sumo wrestling in Japan. Several players have undergone the procedure and so far, only Ding Duk Shlong has had an issue. He was playing soccer in the backyard and went to head the ball when his forehead burst like a water balloon. His child fainted and his Doberman attacked thinking there was an intruder in the backyard. Shlong suffered severe damage to his groin and hamstring area and has not returned to Sumo wrestling. This, however, has not curtailed Bosmeller's need for Sumo.
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John “Sober” Smith has all but thrown in the towel at this point. “I’m more miserable than a one-eyed trouser snake that’s puked during the warm up.” Since he has sobered for a full three months now, a reality check has taken place. “I’m almost forty, I wear crocs, drive a mini-van, look forward to my Timbit at Tim Horton’s and spend more time in Blockbuster Video with my Hollywood friends than at home. Oh, and instead of going out, I write blogs on Friday nights. Someone shoot me! Please put me out of my misery. I’d rather finger bang a Barbie dolls and guess which girls working at the mall would send me to jail if I approached them than live another day in this nightmare. Where did I go wrong?
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I’ve lost my poker skills too. I played worse than a donkey on crack who thinks he’s playing Crazy Eights at the VSP. Retards with hearing aids and hooks for hands would have played better. I’m just waiting for the Kool Aid Man to kick down my door and punch me in the nads. Oh, and the worst is, I joined the gym thinking it would be pleasant. Last week I sweat so much on the treadmill sparks started coming out of the machine and it stuttered. I tripped and fell backwards. As I fell, the machine scooped me up and spit me out like a giant paint ball through a mirror into the aerobics class. I ended up lying naked in a pile of broken glass with a group of sweaty women staring in disbelief. I can never go to a gym again. Worst single experience of my life. Except for that time when I picked up two hookers, brought them back to my Dads place and tried to pay them with a credit card. Yeah, first they kicked my ass then Gweedo the killer pimp made me hand over my Dad’s Omega watch to cover the missing costs. Oh, and did I mention I’ve started bleeding once a month? What the fack is that nonsense? I don’t have a Vaj…do I?”
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Article by Julius Goat WSPN Sports Writer and Journalist
Author of, "You Need Trucknuts to Win An WSOP Bracelet."
Sponsored by Doritos, Pepsi, Casino Rama, Tea House Cookies and Redbull
The History of Poker
Extra Reading http://www.pokerpages.com/pokerinfo/history.htm
There seem to be differences of opinion on the origin of Poker. Moreover, there seems to be no clear or direct early ancestor of the game. It is more likely that Poker derived its present day form from elements of many different games. The consensus is that because of its basic principal, its birth is a very old one.
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Jonathan H. Green makes one of the earliest written references to Poker in 1834. In his writing, Green mentions rules to what he called the "cheating game," which was then being played on Mississippi riverboats. He soon realized that his was the first such reference to the game, and since it was not mentioned in the current American Hoyle, he chose to call the game Poker.
.The game he described was played with 20 cards, using only the aces, kings, queens, jacks and tens. Two to four people could play, and each was dealt five cards. By the time Green wrote about it, poker had become the number one cheating game on the Mississippi boats, receiving even more action than Three-Card Monte. Most people taken by Three-Card Monte thought the 20-card poker seemed more a legitimate game, and they came back time and time again. It would certainly appear, then, that Poker was developed by the cardsharps.
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I’ve lost my poker skills too. I played worse than a donkey on crack who thinks he’s playing Crazy Eights at the VSP. Retards with hearing aids and hooks for hands would have played better. I’m just waiting for the Kool Aid Man to kick down my door and punch me in the nads. Oh, and the worst is, I joined the gym thinking it would be pleasant. Last week I sweat so much on the treadmill sparks started coming out of the machine and it stuttered. I tripped and fell backwards. As I fell, the machine scooped me up and spit me out like a giant paint ball through a mirror into the aerobics class. I ended up lying naked in a pile of broken glass with a group of sweaty women staring in disbelief. I can never go to a gym again. Worst single experience of my life. Except for that time when I picked up two hookers, brought them back to my Dads place and tried to pay them with a credit card. Yeah, first they kicked my ass then Gweedo the killer pimp made me hand over my Dad’s Omega watch to cover the missing costs. Oh, and did I mention I’ve started bleeding once a month? What the fack is that nonsense? I don’t have a Vaj…do I?”
.
Article by Julius Goat WSPN Sports Writer and Journalist
Author of, "You Need Trucknuts to Win An WSOP Bracelet."
Sponsored by Doritos, Pepsi, Casino Rama, Tea House Cookies and Redbull
The History of Poker
Extra Reading http://www.pokerpages.com/pokerinfo/history.htm
There seem to be differences of opinion on the origin of Poker. Moreover, there seems to be no clear or direct early ancestor of the game. It is more likely that Poker derived its present day form from elements of many different games. The consensus is that because of its basic principal, its birth is a very old one.
.
Jonathan H. Green makes one of the earliest written references to Poker in 1834. In his writing, Green mentions rules to what he called the "cheating game," which was then being played on Mississippi riverboats. He soon realized that his was the first such reference to the game, and since it was not mentioned in the current American Hoyle, he chose to call the game Poker.
.The game he described was played with 20 cards, using only the aces, kings, queens, jacks and tens. Two to four people could play, and each was dealt five cards. By the time Green wrote about it, poker had become the number one cheating game on the Mississippi boats, receiving even more action than Three-Card Monte. Most people taken by Three-Card Monte thought the 20-card poker seemed more a legitimate game, and they came back time and time again. It would certainly appear, then, that Poker was developed by the cardsharps.
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The origin of the word Poker is also well debated. Most of the dictionaries and game historians say that it comes from an eighteenth-century French game, poque. However, there are other references to pochspiel, which is a German game. In pochspiel, there is an element of bluffing, where players would indicate whether they wanted to pass or open by rapping on the table and saying, "Ich Poche!" Some say it may even have derived come the Hindu word, pukka.
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Yet another possible explanation for the word poker, is that it came from a version of an underworld slang word, "poke," a term used by pickpockets. Cardsharps who used the 20-card cheating game to relieve a sucker from his poke may have used that word among themselves, adding an r to make it "poker." The thought was that if the sharps used the word "poker" in front of their victims, those wise to the underworld slang would not surmise the change. There are those who also believe that "poke" probably came from "hocus-pocus", a term widely used by magicians. The game of Poker later evolved to include 32 cards, and eventually the modern day deck of 52, not counting the two Jokers.
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The game of Poker has evolved through the years, through many backroom games to the present day casinos around the world. Its history is rich with famous places and characters. For example, during the Wild West period of United States history, a saloon with a Poker table could be found in just about every town from coast to coast.
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Today, Poker is carefully regulated by gambling laws, and saloons have given way to casinos and card rooms, but Poker is played more than any other card game in the world. It has grown into a sporting event, with competitions and tournaments all around the world. Tournaments take place almost every week of the year somewhere in the world.
Read more on the web links
http://www.pokerpages.com/pokerinfo/history.htm
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Read more on the web links
http://www.pokerpages.com/pokerinfo/history.htm
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Poker is a family of card games that share betting rules and usually (but not always) hand rankings. Poker games differ in how the cards are dealt, how hands may be formed, whether the high or low hand wins the pot in a showdown (in some games, the pot is split between the high and low hands), limits on bets and how many rounds of betting are allowed. In most modern poker games, the first round of betting begins with some form of forced bet. The action then proceeds to the left. Each player in turn must either match the maximum previous bet or fold, losing all further interest in the hand. A player who matches a bet may also raise, increasing the bet. The betting round ends when all players have either matched the last bet or folded. If all but one player fold on any round, the remaining player collects the pot without showing his hand. If more than one player remains in contention after the final betting round, the hands are shown and the winning hand takes the pot.
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Players feel that this betting system distinguishes poker from gambling games. With the minor exception of initial forced bets, money is only placed into the pot voluntarily by a player who, at least in theory, rationally believes the bet has positive expected value. Thus while the outcome of any particular hand is determined mostly by chance, the long-run expectations of the players are determined mostly by their actions chosen based on probability and psychology.
Players feel that this betting system distinguishes poker from gambling games. With the minor exception of initial forced bets, money is only placed into the pot voluntarily by a player who, at least in theory, rationally believes the bet has positive expected value. Thus while the outcome of any particular hand is determined mostly by chance, the long-run expectations of the players are determined mostly by their actions chosen based on probability and psychology.
Continued
